Hijrat.

I have new found appreciation for back-lit keyboards. I can write in the dark without much fumbling about while the girls stay asleep. Also for this chrome extension that has turned blogger's annoying white page dark. I applied for two jobs today. The first one wrote back within the hour and sent me a link to a short test. Though I'm sure I aced the test, I got the short and sweet refusal in a few minutes. The second one I  haven't heard back from. 

I spend today in a daze. I mixed my anti-allergy with a happy pill last night. The result was a feeling like someone had shrink-wrapped my brain. I slept better than I have in a while though. And I could go back to sleep whenever I did wake up. My throat's getting better but the low grade fever persists. The tiredness from the past few weeks just hit me like a ton of bricks, is that the saying? I'm still having trouble focusing. It's like my eyes automatically zone out and blur everything and I have to force them to focus. I'm having fun with it, I like to think.

I said we'd go have lunch but I practically crashed again then and A let me be. We left the house after dark, picked up pizza and went driving down phases six and eight. H fell asleep on the back seat. We listened to the idk playlist on spotify. 

The minimum wage in Ontario is fifteen dollars an hour. A dental assistant can make around twenty four dollars. The exams I need to pass are a total of twelve thousand two hundred and fifty dollars. I've been checking my application status like an addict. Five days in while the earliest anybody's got an approval is about fifty days. 

I lost it at the clinic this Saturday. They'll all try to blame it on me and my attitude but I've had it up to here with all that. Let them come at me, I'm ready. 

Back to the backlit keyboard and my unfocusing eyes. It looks like I'm typing with tentacles over a glowing neon lake of lava. Pah. I tried the red and blue gatorades this week and liked neither. I don't know why I'm mixing thoughts. Both the patient's I did on Saturday had, deep, tricky and dangerous fillings. I hope they stand the test of time. 

Life is complex shit. I wish it was easier. I wish it was simple and basic. I wish you didn't have to sit in the car crying and eating your food alone. I wish the system wasn't so rigged. I wish people weren't so violent. I wish I had better control of my thoughts and actions. I wish I had the power to write my own story.