Post Sehri time is like the end of the world - apocalypse feels. Everyone is just so out of it. I couldn't sleep so I read my book and I watched my show and now I'm paying back for all the gluten I ate at yesterday's iftar.
I was thinking about my Dallas patient - whole story about how she messed me up three months ago when the tooth that could have been saved ended up going with a struggle - she's back now and she's so frightfully nice that it hurts. She probed a little, like when people do when they're trying to establish a connection and I just stonewalled her. I don't know what it is. I figured that I have to treat my patients more like friends but then I realized I really treat my 'friends' worse than I treat my patients. I was going to place a laughing emoji there but that would be almost blasphemy on blogger. I'd never be able to show my face here again.
Back to the Dallas patient. You know how there are certain people that you just want to know better? Even though yesterday when she came to get her implants I went in late so I wouldn't have to numb her up because she jumps even at the sight of a needle and I kept avoiding her successfully in her post op. So I was thinking I'd love to have a conversation with her, you know? I'm craving the outsider perspective. The quick back and forth where you tell someone your life story and try to judge by their expressions how big of a f.up they think you are - we are interrupted here rudely at ten minutes past eight by our toddler who has woken up and walked in on me sitting on the john and saying I found my abba - anyway, I forgot what I was saying.
The countdown on the PR portal is giving me anxiety. I've booked the medical appointments but I need to do a ton of stuff before that and somehow I'm still numb and just not in the place to sit down and fill forms.
I'm scared. Of how people will remember me when I'm gone. It's one of the heaviest thoughts in my mind these days and I wish I knew how to make it better.
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